No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
