my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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