I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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