Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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