I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
