you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
