She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
