My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
