How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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