He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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