That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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