Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
