I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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