the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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