i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
