There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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