do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize