rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
