My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
