just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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