Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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