dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wow bdsm is so cute
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
