Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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