I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
