she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
