I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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