if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
