I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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