I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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