We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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