And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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