the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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