I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
