I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
