There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
