Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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