And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
