I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mom said you looked used
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
