and she was petting her beer can
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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