Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
