The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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