I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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