Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
50% drunk capacity currently
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize