Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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