oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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