That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
