I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
