I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
