i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
