i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
