I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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