I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
