well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
