Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
