I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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