i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
