So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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