He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
