Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize