She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
