you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
