after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
