i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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