Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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