Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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