He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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