Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
