All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
