6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
did you just send me my own nude
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
