She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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