1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
