if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
