Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize